COUNTY HARDWARE PAGEANT ANSWERS QUESTIONS ABOUT RECENT BEAUTY SHOP INCIDENT

Sources confirm excessive volume was apparently intentional.

SOGGY BOTTOM COUNTY — The Soggy Bottom County Dispatch can now confirm that Dixie Knox and Scarlett Sunday’s recent visit to Shirley’s Beauty Shop was not, as previously suspected, the result of poor judgment alone.

They had a pageant to attend.

Witnesses report the two arrived at County Hardware wearing formal gowns, crowns and approximately three times the recommended amount of hair.

Dixie Knox came prepared with a pipe wrench.

Scarlett Sunday brought a plunger.

According to judging materials obtained by The Dispatch, contestants were evaluated in three categories:

POISE
PRESENTATION
PRACTICAL SKILLS

Both women reportedly performed well.

The judge, however, appeared tired.

When asked whether contestants were required to have their hair professionally styled before competition, County Hardware declined to comment.

Shirley has also declined to comment.

Of additional concern, the small monkey last seen at Shirley’s Beauty Shop was photographed at the event wearing a crown.

The Dispatch has been unable to determine whether she was a contestant, pageant official or simply arrived with the cousins.

Mabel June Pickett considers the matter ongoing.

The Soggy Bottom County Dispatch
Reporting the news whether the cousins like it or not.