New names have appeared around Soggy Bottom County, a man named Boon Creek has surfaced, and one hunting trip has raised several questions.

By Mabel June Pickett
Soggy Bottom County Dispatch

It has been a while since this newspaper went to press.

Apparently, that was a mistake.

The last time the Dispatch checked in on Soggy Bottom County, the cousins had managed to turn a trip to the hardware store into a beauty pageant.

We believed that deserved a cooling-off period.

Instead, we returned to discover that several things have changed, nobody bothered to notify the newspaper, and there is now a man named Boon Creek walking around here acting like he knows what he is doing.

We will begin with the names.

THE COUSINS HAVE MADE SOME CHANGES

Residents may have noticed some new names appearing around Soggy Bottom County.

After what the cousins are calling a little "rearranging," the ten women have settled more firmly into their own corners of the County.

Delta Wilde can now be found South of Tame, which seems less like an address and more like a warning.

Dixie Knox has moved decidedly West of Trouble. The Dispatch has been unable to determine how far west one must travel before Dixie is actually out of trouble.

Scarlett Sunday remains exactly where anyone who knows her would expect her to be — in the middle of a Pretty Little Riot.

Willow Sage has taken up residence along Wildflower County Line, where eyewitness reports continue to be difficult to verify.

Sloane Mercer is now holding things down South of the County.

Georgia Lane has officially claimed Southern Behavior, although the Dispatch would like to point out that the word "behavior" does not necessarily mean good behavior.

Eden Brooks remains Anchored Society, providing what may be the County's best chance at maintaining some degree of good sense.

Cherry Monroe has adopted Keep the Change, and judging by Cherry, we recommend doing exactly as instructed.

Coco Valentine is now traveling First Class Detour, which seems appropriate for a woman who has never considered getting there the same thing as getting there directly.

And Magnolia James can now be found somewhere along the Faded Backroads, which sounds peaceful enough until you remember who her relatives are.

The Dispatch has updated its records accordingly.

We suggest everyone else do the same.

AND THEN THERE WAS BOON CREEK

For readers asking who Boon Creek is, the Dispatch would like it noted that we were asking the same question.

Boon appears to be connected with something called Tuff Behavior.

After a brief investigation, we have determined that Tuff Behavior involves the outdoors, backroads, hunting, and a considerable amount of confidence.

This brings us to the hunting trip.

According to multiple sources, Boon made the mistake of telling the cousins that he knew a good place to hunt.

Three of them heard him.

Unfortunately for Boon, those three were Coco Valentine, Delta Wilde and Sloane Mercer.

The women arrived dressed for hunting in a manner that caused some confusion over whether they intended to enter the woods or be photographed beside them.

Boon reportedly assessed the situation.

The cousins reportedly ignored his assessment.

Then they went hunting.

TUFF LUCK

By the time the weekend was over, Coco had a buck.

Delta had a buck.

Sloane had a buck.

Boon Creek did not have a buck.

The Dispatch considers this information important enough to repeat:

Three cousins. Three bucks.

Boon Creek. Zero.

Sources close to the situation indicate that Boon has handled the matter with dignity.

Those sources are believed to be Boon.

The cousins have handled it differently.

At press time, nobody had been able to confirm exactly how many times the story had been retold in Boon's presence, but the Dispatch has reason to believe the number is increasing.

The phrase "Tuff Luck" has also been heard around the County.

We are sure this is unrelated.

THE DISPATCH IS BACK

There are additional reports coming into this office.

Some involve the cousins.

Some involve animals.

Some make very little sense.

Mabel June Pickett has made the editorial decision not to print any of them until witnesses can be located and at least one version of events sounds remotely believable.

That may take some time.

What we can confirm is this:

Soggy Bottom County has changed since our last edition.

The cousins have new names over their doors.

Boon Creek has arrived.

The hunting trip is over.

And judging by the stack of reports currently sitting on this desk, none of that is going to be the strangest thing we have to print.

The presses are running again.

Residents are advised to behave accordingly.

The cousins have been advised of the same.

No one expects that to help.

— Mabel June Pickett
The Soggy Bottom County Dispatch
Reporting the news whether the cousins like it or not.